On Malls
“When something is just bad, it is often because it is too mediocre in its ambition. The artist hasn’t attempted to do anything really outlandish.” - Susan Sontag
December 24, 2019
Maybe I’ve had too many eggnogs, but I have a confession to make. We’re in the trust tree, right? They’re going to revoke my Gen X Developers Who Pretend They’re Hipsters Club membership when this gets out, but I have to say it: I love the mall at Christmas.
I’m serious. It’s the best. I love the crowds, the decorations. The music! People are buying and selling. Arms are full with bags of goodies. Salespeople are actually helpful. It’s festive! It’s energetic. Commerce! Profit! It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
Sometimes, when no one is looking, I even like to go to Kona Grill.
The point was brought home to me a few weeks ago when some REIT friends in DC made a point of taking me to what is arguably (and for no good reason) America’s Worst Mall. Literally everything about it was wrong, from the strange exterior courtyard wind tunnel to the sad Santa to the nibbles and bites at the obligatory food court-hall. It was all so appallingly . . . serious. Even the Christmas music was bad (how do you screw that up??) Despite a major renovation, it was everything you could hate in a mall.
And that is the first of malls’ problems; tastemakers tell us we shouldn’t like them. They aren’t au courant. We’ve been told to hate them and so we’re ashamed to admit it when we don’t. The mall, if we go at all, has become a guilty pleasure.
The concept of guilty pleasure is an interesting one that I’ve briefly touched on before. The idea is related to Camp or the rejection of “high culture.” * Next to high culture by default is “low culture”, things we are told are beneath us. Guilty pleasures represent our secret enjoyment of those things. Malls used to be high commercial culture in every possible sense. You couldn’t get good retailers to go elsewhere. Enclosed malls were the alpha and omega of retail. But somehow along the way, as an asset class, they slipped.
*Sontag’s Notes On Camp, quoted at the top, is absolutely worth a read.
What happened? More than I can write about here. Tastes change. There’s that internet thing. Retailers were (are) complacent. A big part of the problem is self-inflicted; developers got lazy. Look at the top-performing malls in the country and most were built before 1970. Later malls were usually pale imitations of their predecessors, copies of copies of copies (sound familiar?) And then to top it all off we built way too many of them. One in five is at the top of its game right now but three in five are beyond repair.
If the Soviets can build a mall in 12 months— with a portal to another dimension— then certainly we can fix a few broken ones
So what about that last 20%? There is absolutely hope. Some of the most fantastic adaptive reuse projects of this century are just enclosed malls with better bones, strong merchandizing, and offices on top. They have tenants like Williams Sonoma, Filson, Anthropologie and West Elm. These are malls in all but name. The public still wants them and not a single person is ashamed to say so.
A good mall at Christmas is what every retail property wants to be all year long: crowded, popular, profitable, relevant, and fun. But never serious. The mall at Christmas throws out every single “rule” of good retail: access is terrible, time is spent inefficiently, you may not actually take home what you bought, and forget about finding parking.
You want to fix a broken mall or any other retail project? Start by having fun. Then throw out the old rules. Get rid of decision-by-committee. Credit? There is none. Don’t make quiet and restrained places. Give them some Vegas, some Broadway, some glam and pizazz. Be frivolous and extravagant and outrageous. Don’t be safe, be silly. Hire John Waters. Invest heavily in operations and events. Be hospitable and run them like hotels.
And whatever else you do, at least get the music right.
Guilty pleasures: Before leaving the Trust Tree I thought I’d share some more of my guilty pleasures. You should give them all a try. I promise I won’t tell.
Zesto. Everything is good but the Nana Nilla defeats all
Smokey & The Bandit
Bonefish Bang Bang Shrimp. $7 on Wednesdays!
Anything flambèd
Gas station chicken salad sandwiches (the ones that come in the clear plastic triangles)
Revolving rooftop bars
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Wishing you and yours a lovely, relaxing and food-filled holiday season, and a not-so-serious new year!
Cheers,
G